The Ultimate Guide to Writing Your Vows
Couple sharing their heartfelt personal vows to each other. Photographer: Matt Ashton - www.mattashtonphotography.com
One of the questions I get asked most often as a celebrant is, "How do we even start writing our vows?"
If the thought of standing in front of your partner and sharing your feelings makes your palms sweaty, you're definitely not alone. The good news? Wedding vows don't need to sound like a Hollywood movie script or a bestselling romance novel. The most memorable vows are simply honest, personal, and heartfelt.
So if you're staring at a blank page wondering where to begin, this guide is for you.
First Things First: What Are Wedding Vows?
Your vows are the promises you're making to one another as you begin your marriage. They're an opportunity to share what your partner means to you, reflect on your journey together, and express your hopes for the future.
There is no perfect formula. The best vows sound like you. You can share these in front of your loved ones and favourite people. If that’s not for you, share them in an intimate private moment, just the two of you, before or after your ceremony.
Step 1: Reflect on Your Relationship
Before you start writing, spend a little time thinking about your relationship.
Ask yourself:
What do I love most about my partner?
What qualities make them special?
What moments have shaped our relationship?
What challenges have we overcome together?
How has my life changed since meeting them?
What am I looking forward to in our future together?
Jot down your thoughts without worrying about structure. This brainstorming stage often uncovers the most meaningful ideas.
Step 2: Start with a Personal Story
A great way to begin your vows is by sharing a memory or moment that captures your relationship.
Maybe it was:
Your first date
The moment you knew they were "the one"
A funny experience you shared
A challenge you faced together
A simple everyday moment that made you realise how much you loved them
These stories instantly make your vows feel personal and unique.
For example:
"I knew I wanted to spend my life with you long before the proposal. It was one rainy Sunday afternoon when we were sitting on the couch eating takeaway and laughing at absolutely nothing. In that moment, I realised home wasn't a place anymore—it was you."
Step 3: Tell Them What You Love About Them
This is your chance to celebrate your partner.
Think about:
Their personality
The way they support you
How they make you feel
The little things they do that nobody else notices
Be specific.
Instead of: "You're amazing."
Try: "I love the way you always know when I need a coffee, a hug, or simply someone to listen."
The details are what make vows memorable.
Step 4: Make Meaningful Promises
This is the heart of your vows.
Your promises don't need to be grand or poetic. In fact, the most meaningful promises are often the simple, everyday ones.
Examples include:
I promise to support your dreams.
I promise to be your biggest cheerleader.
I promise to make you laugh when life gets serious.
I promise to listen before I try to fix things.
I promise to choose us, every day.
A mix of heartfelt and light-hearted promises often creates the perfect balance.
Step 5: Look Towards the Future
Marriage is about the life you're building together.
Share what you're excited about:
Adventures you'll have
A family you're creating
Growing old together
The ordinary moments you'll share
This gives your vows a beautiful sense of hope and anticipation.
How Long Should Wedding Vows Be?
A good guide is around one to two minutes each.
Typically, that's about 150–300 words.
Long enough to be meaningful. Short enough to keep everyone's attention.
Remember: heartfelt beats lengthy every time.
Tips for Writing Vows You'll Actually Enjoy Reading
Write Like You Speak
Don't try to sound like someone else.
Your partner fell in love with you—not a version of you trying to sound poetic.
Include Some Humour
A little laughter can make your vows feel natural and authentic.
Just avoid turning them into a stand-up routine.
If the entire guest list is confused, it probably won't land the way you intended.
Practice Reading Them Out Loud
Something that looks great on paper can feel awkward when spoken.
Reading your vows aloud helps you refine them and build confidence.
Bring a Printed Copy
Even if you've practiced a hundred times, emotions can take over on the day.
Having a printed copy is always a good idea.
A Simple Vow Structure
If you're completely stuck, try this formula:
Start with a memory or story.
Share what you love about your partner.
Explain what they mean to you.
Make 3–5 promises.
End with a statement about your future together.
Simple. Personal. Meaningful.
Final Thoughts
At the end of the day, your vows aren't about impressing your guests. They're about speaking directly to the person standing in front of you.
Don't worry about being perfect.
Be honest. Be yourself. Speak from the heart.
Those are the vows your partner will remember long after the wedding day is over.
And if you're still feeling stuck, remember this: the fact that you're putting thought into your vows already means you're on the right track.
I’m here for you all through the process. If you’d like me to proofread them, I can check the vibe, the length and give you reassurance to how perfect and amazing they are!